Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Why I Hate Vampires

Okay, now that I've got your attention I have to admit, I don't really hate vampires. I just have a bone to pick with them.

When I was a kid I loved vampire movies. Bela Lagosi's black and white Dracula, Peter Cushing's Dracula, with so much outrageously red Technicolor blood, it should have been laughable. But it wasn't. It was really, really scary. And who can forget the original Salem's Lot. The movie was as good as the book. I had to sleep with the lights on for a week after I saw it.

When my mother would let my older brother and I watch horror movies, I always shut my eyes at the scary parts. "What's happening now?" I'd say. "What's happening now?" My brother was so cool. I'd say things like: "Is it okay to open my eyes now?" and he'd say "Yes." But never to trick me into seeing something ghastly, only when it was safe. As a child I must have sat through every horror film that came on TV. But I can't honestly say I saw any them all.

And that's my point. Vampires used to be gruesome, ghastly creatures that scared the bejesus out of you. They had an equally scary human servant, who from what I remember, ate spiders or rats. Yech!

Fast forward to Bill Compton and Edward Cullen. And if you don't know who they are, you are not into vampires. What they are is gorgeous. These are beautiful vampires. I mean, come on, even I think they're beautiful and, trust me, I like girls. When I was a kid you can bet if a vampire tried to bite me I'd run like hell. But today, I'd have to think about it.

What guy doesn't want to be thought of as attractive by beautiful women? Hey, and even if they don't think you're attractive right off, you just glam them, and bam, sexy lady is all yours. Vampires are the new rock stars. And you don't even have to sing or play an instrument.

So now for my confession. I don't hate vampires. In fact, I am jealous of vampires. I want to be a vampire. Not the ghastly gruesome vampires of my youth, but the handsome, sexy vampire of today. If I ever meet Edward Cullen, I am going to invite him to dinner--Me! The only way I'd pass on dinner with Edward Cullen, is if someone introduced me to Eric. And ladies, I'm warning you, if I get made by Eric--look out!


  1. You're SO right on this one. I have NO argument. No long story. Except one thing... you can have Edward. Bring on Bill & Eric! That and we might have to go rounds if you're going to try to beat me to Eric! :D

    x0xx Amy (Park-Avenue Princess)

  2. I absolutely agree. I'd personally shove Edward out the door if Eric were introduced to the party.

    But you're right. As much as I love the glammed up, pretty vampires, I still miss the gory as heck, actually bad, vampires. I think this is why I always rooted for the likes of Spike, Lestat (although pretty), and Nosferatu or David (The Lost Boys).

  3. Well Dracula was the one who started the whole 'vampires are sexy' phenomenon. I love vampires, and I do prefer them to the gruesome ones, if I want my scary fix Ill just get another thing ^^

    Oh and I am an Eric fan all the way.