I am sitting at my desk reading the back cover of a new novel. 'Celebratory and heartbreaking...' reads one of the blurbs. 'Remarkable' reads another. I, like you, I'm sure, have always taken those complimentary blurbs on a book's cover for granted--that is, until I got a call from my editor telling me it was time to get some blurbs for my up coming novel, Never Slow Dance With A Zombie.
"Yes," I thought. "It is time."
I had an entire list of famous people I envisioned writing glowing praises about my book. Meg Cabot (of Princess Diaries fame), George Romero (of Night Of The Living Dead fame), Joss Whedon (of Buffy The Vampire Slayer fame) Barack Obama... Okay, Barack is probably going to be too busy running our nation to write me a blurb, but what a coup if he could find the time, right?
Anyway, during my editor's call she gave me her list of people for me to contact for a blurb. Me? Huh? The ugly truth began setting in. Getting the blurbs for my book was going to be my responsibility.
"Aw Man!" I thought all I had to do was write the darn book. Once the book was edited and headed for production I thought my job was over. But it isn't. I guess I should be glad the publication of my book is ten whole months away. That should give me ample time to figure out how in the world I am going to meet all these wonderful people, and ask them to write a blurb for me.
If any of you reading this happens to know any of the folks on my blurb list, I would love an introduction. Don't worry. I won't embarrass you. I will use the subtle approach:
"Hi there, Mr. Whedon. Can I call you Joss?... I can't? That's okay. Mr. Whedon will do just fine. You're probably wondering what I'm doing on your front lawn. And yes, it was very difficult scaling the wall and getting past security. No, I didn't drug your dog. He's just tired, I guess. Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed Dr. Horrible's Musical Blog [and for those of you reading this who don't know about Dr, Horrible, type it into your browser, and check out a very funny web series created by Joss Whedon, and starring Neil Patrick Harris]. Speaking of blogs, Mr. Whedon, would you write a blurb for my new teen novel, Never Slow Dance With A Zombie? Huh? Oh, sure. I'll get off your lawn... As soon as I get that blurb."
Smooth, right? No way that could embarrass anybody.
So, if any of you reading this knows Joss or anyone else on my blurb list, please give me their home addresses... Okay, okay, just let them know I'd really appreciate a blurb from them. And also let them know I will write a blurb for their next book in return. A really, really, really nice one with lots of adjectives, and they won't even have to show up at my front door to get it.
That's it for now. Sleep tight, don't let the zombies bite.