Marketing: by Sal Conte

This is not one of those The Way I See It posts done by E where you might find some useful advice about marketing.  This is a guest post by me, Sal Conte.  Any advice offered or opinions expressed here are purely my own, and not those of E. Van Lowe.  Okay?

I am seriously upset, so upset I can see steam rising off my forehead.    I am not upset with E (although I have been from time-to-time).  I am upset with you, dear reader.  When I reacquired the rights to my 80s horror classics Child's Play and The Power, and decided to bring them out as ebooks for those of you who had been clamoring for the books since they went out of print more than ten years ago, E told me I needed to do some marketing.  I told E I didn't need to market my books.  I am Sal Conte.  I brought out Child's Play with an all new forward by yours truly, along with a new short story The Toothache Man just before Halloween with little fanfare aside from a few tweets.  E told me I wouldn't sell any books.

I am here to report that E was wrong.  I met with the White Whisker rep on Tuesday and he reported that between October and March 31st I sold a grand total of 5 books.  FIVE BOOKS in six months!  That would not be bad if E had set the price at $10,000 a download as I had requested.  I explained that Child's Play in particular was in huge demand and could easily go for 20 grand, but I owed it to my fans to keep the price reasonable.  At 10 G's a book 5 books would have netted me some nice coin.  But E set the price of Child's Play at $1.99.  I told him at that price he was going to run out of downloads in two days.  Did you know it's impossible to run out of downloads?  You do now.  At any rate, I can't even buy a Happy Meal with what I've earned from Child's Play. E then did the unthinkable and set the price of The Toothache Man at ninety-nine cents.  Wanna know how many copies of The Toothache Man I sold in 6 months at 99c?  I am embarrassed to tell you.

I'm not embarrassed for me.  I did my part.  I am Sal Conte.  I am embarrassed for you lazy slackers who actually need me to market the books BEFORE YOU BUY THEM.  It's pathetic if you think about it.  But okay.  I see the error of my ways.  I was counting on you guys to show a little initiative. I get it. I am now going to do some marketing for those of you who seem to need it.  Please follow the 5 steps below:

MARKETING

1) Click on one the links in quotes "The Toothache Man,"  or "Child's Play."

2) You will arrive at the selected book's Amazon page.  On the upper right hand side of the page you will find a BUY button.  Click on that button as well.

3) You will be asked how you want to pay for the book.  Click your choice.

4) If you do not receive an email saying you bought my book, repeat steps 1-3 until  you get it right.

5) If you wish to purchase both books (and you should-hint, hint), you must complete steps 1-3 for each book.

Bonus: Write a damn review and post it on the book's Amazon page.

Consider yourselves marketed to.  If you buy a few books over the next few months I will begin selling my other 80s classic, The Power.  If you do not buy books, I will be back with more "marketing."  And next time, people, I won't be so friendly.

Thank you E for the use of your blog.  Marketing is harder than I thought.

Phew!